TL:DR
I promised myself I would keep this one mercifully short. Here it is, as short as I can make it:
If you like George R.R. Martin’s Wild Cards and want to introduce the series to a friend, this isn’t the book to do it. In fact, it goes on a very short list of books, including Jokertown Shuffle and Deuces Down, that should never be a reader’s introduction to this highly imaginative world where super-powered aces (and deformed jokers) were created by an alien virus shortly after WWII.
Texas Hold ‘Em might even be the worst book out of thirty, yes, thirty Wild Cards adventures. As usual with a bad WC book, all the right components are available, but nothing comes together quite right. The raw materials are rich and abundant, but they aren’t properly utilized.
That’s it. No need to go any further. In fact, except for the introduction of a few promising new characters, I would say fans and newcomers alike can safely skip this one.
….except the rabid fan inside me wants to dig deeper, dissect this hideous joker baby, and see just where it all went wrong. If you are interested, I have a thorough post-mortem, but it isn’t pretty.
Everything is bigger in Texas, including expectations.
I love Wild Cards and have enjoyed the authors’ work much more in other books. Which is why it is tough to write what follows about something I want more people to read and enjoy. That said, we’ll start with those misused raw materials I mentioned earlier.
A high school band competition brings joker kids to Texas, a state brimming with guns and not known for its welcoming attitude toward jokers. That’s a fine, solid premise. You have an array of potential antagonists ranging from teenage pranksters and local bullies to anti-card bigots and rioting protesters. The authors have some red herrings and different threats at different levels to play with as the story progresses.
We get lots of new and diverse characters (humans, aces, and jokers) from a region of the country we have seen nothing of in the books so far? Great! The literal Alamo is available as the setting for the final showdown and special guest ace Jerry Strauss transforms into a Mighty Joe Young-sized gorilla for that final battle? As elevator pitches go, this sounds awesome!
And this was the book we got? I'm just astounded.
YA:WC
Even with the weakest Wild Cards books I can see what they were going for, why they thought it was suitable. I can't believe this one saw print. It reads like the target audience was middle school kids, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. I could imagine a series of YA Wild Cards novels.
Are current YA books like Texas Hold ‘Em? What little I know of YA fiction comes from the stuff my oldest daughter leaves laying around: Hunger Games, Divergent, His Dark Materials, etc., which are all elder statesmen of the genre by now. Either YA has changed significantly or Texas Hold ‘Em has more in common with a teen dramedy on the WB.
Maybe the powers that be are trying to sanitize Wild Cards, a tonal shift of the entire franchise. The description of the upcoming Pairing Up makes it sound like another feel-good installment. If I’m right, I sincerely wish them luck, but I can't take many more like this. Not every WC story has to be a foray into the depths of grimdark, but Texas Hold ‘Em is bad.
Kick a trashcan and secret aces fall out.
There were too many antics, too much silliness and too many ace kids across the board. Diana Rowland’s story is a good example. It was innocuous enough in comparison to the others, a middle of the road story about a lonely girl with a minor ace ability desperate to connect with other survivors of the virus. Rowland wrote young people believably and didn’t get lost in trying to use slang that is probably already out of date. The fart stuff was what put it beyond the pale.
That’s right, the three teenage protagonists of Rowland’s tale are saved by the power of farts. Specifically, the ace ability to make people have noisy, foul-smelling farts. It doesn’t spoil anything to reveal the secret ace’s powers or the fact that there even is a secret ace, because there are a lot of secret aces. There are so many they are practically tripping over one another at the musical competition that is the premise of the book.
After a certain point, this reader had to wonder, with a virus that has a 90% fatality rate, and only one in every 100 infected develops an ace power, just how many high school-age aces are also in jazz club? The shame of it is that by the time you get to “Drop City” by David Anthony Durham (another of the better stories) when another band kid turns his card and develops a legitimately cool power, it isn’t even close to a surprise. Yes, it’s better than becoming Mosquito Girl or Fart-Boy, but this late in the book he’s just another ace kid in a book crowded with ace kids.
Not a good look, Jerry.
Now, a personal gripe, though maybe it all seems a little personal at this point. After the long road for Jerry Strauss to go from the Great Ape (of book two!) to one of the more seasoned aces of the franchise, well, he got used badly this go around. Jerry has always had some comedic moments in his many appearances, but this is also the same guy who took on the jumpers and killed Loophole Latham by turning his index finger into a lobotomy whisk.
I think a good faith effort was made to lampshade the nonsensical nature of Jerry’s actions as part of his obsession with The Thin Man. He was drunk because old Hollywood detectives were always drinking. Personally, I don’t buy it. He was sent to Texas to help protect kids. I don’t believe he would get drunk as part of his own personal real-life detective cosplay, but here we are.
Mad that he didn’t get to see his previous case through to the end and his partner sent him packing to Texas? Progressively drinking a little too much out of boredom and frustration? I could believe that, and it would have gotten him to where the writers obviously wanted him to be without being so ham-fistedly out of character.
Also, Adesina's former telepathic abilities have gone down the memory hole for some reason. I had thought that they might reappear in the climax, being how they would bring Jerry back from the idiotic, drunk and clumsy Mighty Joe Young scenario, but, no, music soothed the savage beast.
Better luck next time!
With my last Wild Cards review, I tried to concentrate on what I liked and gloss over the negative. That wasn’t possible this time, and I didn’t even get into my problems with whatever is going on with the Amazing Bubbles these days. She seemed like such a promising character. What went wrong? That’s for another article, I suppose.
Hitchhiker's Guide, Good Omens— I have read stuff that is supposed to be funny and enjoyed it, but it is a very hit or miss thing and it is so easy to miss when done by anyone other than the greats. I know that some segments of the sci-fi and fantasy readership equate zany antics with comedy, but it doesn’t work for me, quite the opposite. Very dry, very wry narration of absurd events and lively, funny dialogue help a lot. I didn't find either of those in Texas. Who is to blame? In an ensemble anthology the obvious culprit is the editor. Perhaps it is down to the authors. Either way, I can only imagine what a mess Texas was pre-editor's notes.
Anyway, I have never gone in in a big way for comedic sci-fi or fantasy, but this part dull, part hokey book quickly devolved into outright bad comedy. It wasn't even a decent farce. Texas Hold 'Em? They should have called this… Bad Hand? Junk Cards? I’ve got it... Low Stakes.